The Garden of My Heart

When I was four or five, my parents took me to a fancy dinner with business associates of which I apparently wandered off. The restaurant was open to a natural waterfall. After what my mother maintains was no less than five minutes of not being able to locate me (which my mother was extremely diligent so it is without doubt), she panicked and began to prepare to jump into the turbulent waters in an attempt to save me as she was sure I had gotten curious and plunged in. In the nick of time, my father found me talking to a table of random strangers of which I plopped a seat and just started gabbing away. Go figure.

In the car on the way home, I was talking all about my new friends when my mother turned around sharply (she was angry from the scare I had caused within her) and said, “Sarah, you must always protect your heart. Every time you fall in love, you give away a little piece. In the end, you must ask yourself how many pieces of your heart you want out there. You are too trusting and open with people!”

I remember distinctly feeling confused as I was not quite sure what I had done wrong as I had not been told to remain still. I was too young to understand, but knew my parents were upset and that made me upset.

So I resolved I could fix my mother’s concern if I could just make sure my heart would never run out. So when I went to bed that night, I knelt by my bedside table and prayed to God that He would give me a heart that never ran out of pieces to give.

And as God always does one way or the other, He answered my prayer.

Little did I know how that prayer would change my life forever. Even if one person is uncomfortable with my presence, it matters not what I want to do, but I balance the scales objectively and if I find truth in it, I depart. Am I always right? No, but I act with the best intentions I know how. In short, it is why I travel from group to group so often because to me, it matters not if it is the king or the butler – I will be okay, but others do not have the heart that I have and in truth, there are many days I wish I did not.

You see, in my child-like innocence, I had asked God for something that came with things I did not fully understand that I cannot betray and keep the garden of my heart watered and replenished. All I meet and encounter are always engraved on an imperishable piece of my heart because I give them all a small piece of my own.

Today, I realize my mother was scared which is why she said this to me, but I then again, I was always the one that looks to how the problem could be solved without acknowleding what the problem is.

With that being said, I am submitting my awakened essay now.

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