Dumbstruck

For the last three months, this face represents at least a quarter of my emotional responses, but today I decided to upload a picture because it has been plastered almost exclusively for the majority of the day.

Objectively, “dumbstruck” is an adjective that describes the emotion when you are so shocked or surprised, you are unable to speak.

Now, I like to talk. I probably am too open sometimes. I will go over every aspect of every little thing – analyze from all the angles – I am often the equivalent of long-winded. However, on free advice, 95% of it is never used and probably 35% never even read – however, I provide it anyways because that is why I wrote it – I wasn’t doing it for me – I was doing it for whoever cared enough to read it. Naturally, if we are making no progress or it is becoming problematic, there is no point to proceed as there are other people who gladly receive input.

Subjectively, the emotion of dumbstruck on my face today comes from two origins: 1) that I was giving to get something in return (as that would trigger provocation) and 2) that anyone would go to such lengths to try to push me there to get so defeated when it did not happen. I wish I was a better actress. I do, but I don’t believe faking emotions or beliefs is right and can tell you that has NEVER happened. Orgasms – well, I didn’t say physical now did I? (comic relief).

This came up a couples of places of late, where the feeling of “provocation” was attached to such words both times, but in truth, the fact that anyone read my words and used them in application makes me happy – I have to write a lot of words for any to make a difference, but that is what I do for anyone who may listen. I have never before been attacked by others whose words I give for free or paid, and draw a line there.

However, the fact to know that my advice may have made a difference in someone’s life even for a moment brings a small tear to me eye – but the sad thing is that the tear is not backed by the emotion you wanted me to feel, which then makes me feel your frustration and anger. And then on top of that emotion, there is the emotion of manipulation and untruth – but I can override that because I don’t have the knowledge of fact one way or the other, but that is being highly optimistic.

I am dumbstruck.

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