To Those That Persecute:
My rage to you is kindness by choice.
The first thing I want to address is the most important that upon knowing an extreme boundary violation occurred (hacking my computer and posting a naked picture on WordPress, etc) my immediate reaction (other than shock) was to not give you satisfaction of a response, but realized that was selfish as I will explain below. I went into my “dark room” as I call it and mediated and an unusual thing transpired, God told me to do what I found to be right. There has only been one other time, this has happened as usually His answer is clear. I will not say I was happy about this as out of all the times in my life, this was the one time that I wanted a simple answer free of thought: Yes or No.
Immediately, I felt my toes curl, and my closed eyes opened immediately – that is my trigger when the emotional state of “rage” begins. It starts in my toes and travels down my legs, stomach and if it reaches my heart, it pumps pure red to my brain. It consumes and I will see the color red over my eyes. I felt rage very few times, and of course, this varies by the provocation. However, what you all did in violating my personal boundaries, my body, and my family was a 10 out of a scale of 1-10.
Now, I want you to imagine this so you can understand it. Think of being on a sailboat on an ocean on your envisioned ‘perfect day’. The coolest of breezes, the dark blue waters and sky with puffy white clouds and a bright sun. When rage enters the water, it starts 20,000 leagues (subconscious) below the ocean surface as thick black ink (rage). This blackness slowly starts to creep to the surface and if it be converted into the water – it changes the reflection of the sky, the sun, and the wind.
On my sailboat, I can feel something brews 20,000 leagues below the sea as already the sky has turned grey and the sun is hidden in clouds (consciousness). The wind is still and the waters move not at all. I look down, and I can see the black ink swirling up to the water (my heart) and in those moments I have a choice: I can let the darkness consume me and turn the day in a thunderstorm or I can make my day even more beautiful. So I choose to take that dark blackness and turn into pure white (truth).
When it reaches the surface of the water, it makes the water a more brilliant shade of turquoise blue and as the sky is a reflection of the water, so does it change to brighter than before. And the clouds pass and the sun shines again. I do nothing, but choose to transform that black swirling black ink of energy into positive as those who persecute do not have the benefit to break me.
That is the force of seizing the power and converting negative to positive. The stronger the negative, the stronger the positive. However, people are compromised of multiple elements. God Himself was a jealous god – the evil verses good is all defined in subjective intent.
However, to have done nothing in this case deprived others and myself of two things: 1) to others, the opportunity for me to share my comments and views on Narcissism and 2) to myself, to ask when I needed help. So, do nothing resulted in a double negative which by in action, becomes positive.
As I have stated from the beginning, the difference between a Narcissist and Empath when you reach a certain level is all but choices of action. When Jesus was tempted by the devil with bread, Jesus chose not to eat the bread – but that did not mean he was not hungry. So here I am. Choosing to not only do nothing with what you have done, but stand here, knowingly awaiting with the other cheek turned.
On every occasion, I have given you who hated me the most.
Much time and energy has been dedicated to my spending of the truth, and have most of the pieces and disregarded the pieces that are not relevant to truth. The puzzle is far from put together, but what is remarkable is how the power of feelings coupled with knowledge has given me insight on a vast innerworking that, remarkably, I still admire. However, without an identifiable truth, I cannot ascertain what is best to do for others or even myself and thus must go on what I can identify.
It appears I did not just come for Narcissists, but Empaths as well. Sometimes, the student becomes the teacher, and it becomes ever the more evident that I am a breed of neither of these two groups as they are defined here.
SO ALL TO WHO READ:
My computer has been hacked. I would advise discrediting evidence that was obtained in such a manner because often the hacker can put their own words and images that were not even my own in the pile for triangulation. Without seeing the evidence, I cannot comment, but I do not lie. However, no one ever asks and I have made myself easy to contact or get ahold of, but am not here to distort your version of truth because it does not change it.
So I knowingly, am here, turned with the other cheek, for those who read, listen, and wish to learn until another evident that leads me to the contrary of which I will ascertain at that time.
My truths are largely incomplete, but then again, so are yours. Hopefully, this gives a good indication of where I stand.