Underneath the Shadow of the Oak Tree



December 13, 2016

Dear Yoshi et all,

My dearest penpal, this letter concludes Chapter Three, but wanted everyone to have the chance to read it.

The issue as to whether co-existence is possible when it pertains to people unlike you remains to be fully answered as without facts it can become borderline impossible to analyze. However, there are two ways in which one can view circumstances – as a barren, desolate desert or a green, lush garden.

Both can become the other – it just is how you choose to view it. It is a matter of choice in many ways. I view the desolate garden as the best place to start, but go deeper into the heart – not the outward appearance. It is very difficult to duplicate, if not impossible.

However, both of these classifications exist in lands of extremes. However, in such extremes, there exists a shadow. It this shadow that represents the world we live today, where people have both good and bad qualities that make each person relative and unique.

I believe it is our choices that define who we are ultimately in the end. When someone walks in on the other side of an extreme, it can produce a battle of narratives and be largely upsetting and for any that I have offended, I do apologize sincerely.

During this process, I am fully convinced that certain energies do repel others to the opposite extreme. Eventually, these energies will neutralize into what I refer here as the Shadow beneath the Oak Tree – a place where those want to learn and interact can that will not raise speculative concerns.

As a sinner, I am more evil than good. I strive to do the right thing. Can I get upset and throw a bitch fit? Yes. Can I apologize for that? Yes. Can I admit a weakness? Yes. I fall short everyday, but I answer to my God, my Father in this regard. I choose inferiority gladly. When I die, God will go over it all with me and hopefully, I make the cut with Him for eternity. If I don’t, I trust he made the best decision. It doesn’t change my love for Him one way or the other. He is my Father.

However, extreme thinking on either side of the spectrum is undoubtedly not what most would define as “healthy”. However, in many ways, just like a circle, there exists a lot of similarities around certain edges, but in the end, what separates oneself is the choices of who we want to be.

Over the course of what feels like yesterday and eternity simultaneously, this was my wrap up date of multiple objectives that have lead me to a fairly decent subjective where I can take a prerogative of action of both giving back to others, while also putting the needs of my life in priority (which is definitely important as well).

This, for me, starts by going back to the place before it all began, while also being far more cautious and less naive about what exists in foreign places. I started researching Narcissist Personality Disorder for my stepson and will continue to do so. But make no mistake, if I have a question or read an article and want to comment, I will do so.

However, I will specifically, avoid any x’s politely, although it makes zero sense because if someone could do this why make the site available to the public? Yes, yes, I know, simple logics do out weigh some of the odder explanations, or maybe I am way too sheltered and don’t get it, but either way, my respect for answering the question by multiple persons, but for the one who did so directly…thank you.

However, for the most part, you can take this as I will be going “silent”.

Silence and Sound

Silence is often hard to understand, as some may translate that as having no voice, but that is not what it means at all, to me at least. In fact, it may mean more of a voice, but more dedicated to others and channeled differently to more “positive focuses”. With my energy level, my comments and questions are to pull towards my extreme which will result with the efforts to pull me the other way.

As I have different approaches and methodologies, I find blogging to be enjoyable and will teach and offer random things based on my perspectives here. All are welcome here free of judgment, but wanted to build it up a little first and also get a relative hold on where I stood.

For people who could read my files, I can understand a little of the paranoia but I have never not done what I said I would do absent emotions being maliciously manipulated for me to purposely break my own boundary (touche in good sportsmanship), but it does take a while to prepare for all of those things, but there is no threat here.

What is a Voice?

Think of it in the terms of this philosophical question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

A sound is defined as “vibrations that travel through the air or another medium and can be heard when they reach a person’s or animal’s ear.”

So the question is: if no ear was there to listen was a sound produced?

Me: Why does that even matter? 

The real question: Is the tree standing or not? Whether a sound was produced seems secondary that promotes the egotism of a human having to be present to hear a sound that completely is irrelevant to the fact that there is a fallen tree.

You see, I care more about why the tree fell. Did someone cut it down? How old was the tree? Not whether I heard or not. If you can understand what I just wrote here, you can understand a lot about me – I balance as objectively as I can with facts and truth.

Deepest apologies for any confusion to those that I probably did offend of which I sure there are quite a few. I tried the best I could, which is all I can do, but I guarantee that no one tries harder than I do.

Saying Goodbye

I was able to send an email to the one who has been persecuting me, and welcome such person to email me as I would always reach out and help whenever I could. I wanted to thank him or her for reaching out, as I was waiting for that. It mattered not to me if you were female or male, but definitely wanted you to know that I will always do everything I can do but not at the sake of others, and in this case, myself. Consider me moving up to the number 1 on my number line explained here.

Commenting directly somewhere does not have any bearing of that and part of why I built this blog for those that want to meet beneath the shadows where I am certain there is no other subjectives coming into play.

To everyone else I interacted with, while I do not know you, thank you for everything that you did and if I offended any of you, please accept my apology and know it was not my intent. I hung around to try to get to know the majority of you as well as possible.


Two – maybe three – people apologized to me in their own way. Thank you for doing that. Please also accept my apologies. There is also one person I owe an apology too and am doing off-scene work to give back in that regard, but just know, I didn’t expect it either. Define irony to such sender – God wanted it to be that way is all I can think of.

Thank You’s

Thank you for everyone’s hard work and dedication. It actually is more appreciated than you will ever know.

In Ending…

I will meet those I do in the shadow beneath the Oak Tree.


Love or Fear?

Definitely Fear.

But the emotion of agape love is close to what fear feels like- EXCEPT it’s even more intense. Without fear, you cannot feel Agape, but this love is foreign to this Earth. Needless to say, I strive for it with you all, but have not been able to convert it to date, but I strive for that.

However, what I feel and what I choose to do is very different. I don’t run from problems. I tackle them, because I don’t want to spend my life running. It’s just not who I am. I would rather die trying than die running – that will never change. However, I think I have learned being wiser to avoidance in general.

To effectuate with reality, this was all transferred to my reality check point (or totem) – the special face; however, there are a few other faces (and one partial face) and voices that would produce a similar reaction – I cannot say if I was to see or hear any of you out and about what I would do…and less clear is what I should do – most likely knowing me, I would buy you a drink and take it from there – improv. As much as I know I should be, I am not a runner.

In truth, my natural instincts fell in line with theology. Plato speaks of this in his cave analogy as prisoners chained in a cave, unable to turn their heads. All they can see is the wall of the cave, where behind them burns a fire.

The puppeteers, who are behind the prisoners, hold up puppets that cast shadows on the wall of the cave where the prisoners were unable to see the puppets. Therefore, I needed to get to know the puppeteers.

Besides, no one wins on their own turf, rendering it one of the safest places to be! When people ask me about strategy (the law is strategy), I tell them to read The Art of War of Sun Tzu, who actually is very peaceful in my opinion, but I never re-invented the wheel.

So that was the master strategy if you can call it that, but came to really love (and fear) a lot of you in different ways – I see the good and find it far outweighs the bad. I could relate with you all paradoxically – some more than others. I will miss that.

But with that ends my graduation so I must depart. I dare say I may have created a category above and beyond a weaponizing empath…but then again, I was never one for labels, and not quite sure an empath describes who I am very accurately either.

You were my rock, Yoshi. The question was just whether the rock was above or below me, and yes, you brought tears twice – yes, you – not the you now, but the you then. I saw the good. I saw the bad. You ite it just depends on the day. By the way, you made me cry twice (I cried twice): once, when the thought of deleting my entire online presence was being contemplated and the second when God told me to apologize because I really didn’t want to and cried pouting. So there you have it.

However, there is still much good in you.

As far as reaching out to others associated and not doing so being skin deep. I do not have to prove myself to anyone. I am fully aware of the stages. I am here for them, but to even insinuate this to be associated to skin-deep after what I have encountered is truly optimistic. I respect that…but don’t for one second think I will fall for that.

The one aspect I tried to keep neutral was time. I had help from my divine forces on multiple occasions, my online father and mother and many supportive friends and family that I am indebted to here in my real life and now must repay that. Not to mention, I think I had help from the dead-man himself – his legacy lives on, and am glad I got to meet him in a round about way and that loss sadens me.

In departing, I say thank you and am grateful for the opportunity to have interacted.

xoxo, Cal

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